Oh, hope, you can be a fickle thing. Last week, you led me to believe that the Bills, Redskins, and Colts would cover or beat the spread. You even made me go out on a limb and take the Colts to win outright! Hope, I’m staying away from you this week.
If you’re like me, Sunday can’t get here quick enough. My picks got me down to the Mendoza line for the season and I’m ready to redeem myself. My job is to put you in the best possible position to win and I didn’t come through last week. For those of you who are licking your wounds from last week, all I can say to you is, “PICK YOURSELF, BABY!!” Don’t let one week ruin your thought process but more importantly, your confidence in yourself. Put it this way, if a woman turns you down at a bar or in a woman’s case, a man turn's you down at the hardware store (which I’ll get to in a minute), do you mope around and kick yourself after a rejection? NO!!! You move on and you enjoy the rest of your night! In my mind, the hardest part isn’t introducing yourself to someone; but rather it's the moments before since you've made the decision to make your move. You’ve thrown “thoughts of rejection “to the wind and have made your move. Marilyn Monroe once said, “Ever notice, ‘How what the hell?’ is always the right answer”, and I completely agree with her. By the way, those of you ladies who go to the hardware store to find a man, much respect to you. You’ve obviously done your homework and figured out that most men that go to a hardware store are homeowners and probably single. Well played, ladies. Well played.
Before this piece becomes verbose, I want to remind you that whether you’ve had your heart broken, whether you’ve lost your job, or whether you’ve made a decision that didn’t pan out, you must and I repeat, you must, pick yourself up. Definitely learn from this experience and move on. With that in mind, here are the picks for Week 3:
Last week: 1-3
SAN FRANCISCO at CINCINNATI (-1.5): Cincinnati should be 2-0. Denver let them hang around last week but their inexperience deterred them from getting the win. Though they lost, if you took Cincy last week, you’ll know they covered, so it was a win for you. San Fran does boast a very respectable Rush defense. If I haven’t been sold on Alex Smith the last 6 years, what’s going to make me change my mind now? Somehow the NFL’s version of the Portland Trailblazers circa 2001, the Bengals, will cover. This game has the imprints of a classic Gus Johnson game had he called NFL games this year. Come back to the NFL, Gus, we all miss you!! TSS PICKS: CINCINNATI
NEW ENGLAND (-9) at BUFFALO: I picked Buffalo last week to cover against the Raiders which they didn’t, but what a game!! Shame on you NFL and CBS’ L.A. affiliate for switching to the San Diego/New England game in the final 2 minutes thus making the general public miss an exciting finish. In the words of my buddy, Ef, “You’re a mierda!” Anyways, back to the Pats/Bills game, this game will be a high-scoring game. DirecTV’s Red Zone channel should just stay on this game as both offenses will be going back and forth. This game also has the making of a QB sneak from…….you guessed it, THE MAN!! Have you noticed that in the first 2 games, New England has covered, and has made an effort to score at every opportunity? The Mastermind that is Belichick, will be able to stop Ryan Fitzgerald enough times for the Patriots to cover. TSS PICKS: NEW ENGLAND
NY GIANTS at PHILADELHIA (-7.5) – I'm not going to lie to you. The last time these two teams played, I turned off the television during the 3rd quarter as the Giants were leading by 17 points. This was a pivotal game and I was furious at my Eagles for not showing up. As I turned off the TV, I decided to take my dog, Larry, for a walk at the nearby dog park. Fast forward to 2 hours later, I turned on the TV and to my amazement; the Eagles had orchestrated a comeback and defeated the Giants. This Sunday is the re-match since that epic win for the Iggles. I’m making my prediction with the understanding that Vick will play the whole game. The Eagles’ arsenal of receivers should give them enough opportunities to get in the end zone. Meanwhile, the Giant’s shortage of receivers will require them to run the ball against a small Eagles frontline. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise for the G-Men as they revert to the traditional style of play of hammering the football down their opponent’s throats. If any of my NY readers know of any Philly-themed sports bars in NYC, give a shout-out. Andrew B, a good friend who’s a L.A. transplant and lifelong Eagles fan, is new in town. Kara, best of luck this week; here’s hoping for a great game from both sides! At the end of the day, those screeching sounds you hear will be my rendition of the Eagles fight song. Sing it with me everyone, “Fly Eagles Fly, on the road to victory…” TSS PICKS: PHILADELPHIA
DENVER at TENNESSEE (-7)- Can you name me at least 3 players on the Tennessee Defense? I can’t even name you one, let alone three. But don’t judge a book by its cover, just because I don’t know them doesn’t mean they’re not good. They have a solid defense and are starting to come around on offense. Chris Johnson should get his legs back under him soon and Hasselback is that ever popular wily veteran. I definitely like what I’m seeing from them so far this year. I see them as the Paul Giamatti of 2011. By that, I mean, Giamatti is the type of actor you forget about because a) he’s not the hip cool actor, a la Clooney, Pitt, and Damon and b) most of his movies aren’t blockbuster movies. It’s not until you see a Giammati movie that you appreciate the man’s craft. The Titans are similar in both ways- a) they’re not the cool, hip team and b) their games are never on national TV so you don’t see their physical style of play. The seed has been planted- Tennessee will win the AFC South! TSS PICKS: TENNESSEE
DETROIT (-3.5) at MINNESOTA- It pains me to say this because I loved the guy for almost a decade but Donovan McNabb is done. I watched last week’s game and he was emotionless and lethargic. Pay attention next time you see him, he’s walks as if he’s trying to pass gas without anyone noticing. It’s rather disturbing. To make matters worse, my ugly ducklings of 2010, the Lions, come to town. They’ve got an agenda and a wait list to get on their bandwagon. Said list grows by the end of this game. TSS PICKS: DETROIT
JACKSONVILLE at CAROLINA (-3.5)- Jacksonville is a mess. They cut David Garrard just days before the season started and replaced him with Luke McCown (WHO???). I see the Blaine Gabbert era starting soon for Jacksonville. Up the road in Carolina, the Cam Newton era is off to a great start. They have been unsuccessful in giving coach, Ron Rivera, his first win but this should be the week that it happens. Note to Jacksonville: You’re on the clock. If you think about moving to L.A., you need to bring a better product. There’s enough “basura” in this town already; we don’t need more. TSS LOCK OF THE WEEK: CAROLINA
NY JETS (-3.5) at OAKLAND- Way to prove me wrong, Oakland!! Am I the only one who finds the Jets TD celebration annoying? I don’t’ know; maybe it’s me. Nevertheless, Nick Mangold’s injury has not been getting the coverage it deserves. Not only is he the center but he’s the anchor on the line and gives Sanchez the much needed time to throw. Darren McFadden will have a hard time running against the vaulted Jets D but I like his chances. Oakland, do yourself a favor and get your head out of your ass in the second half. You almost loss to Denver and gave the game away to Buffalo. If you play a complete game, I like your chances. For my L.A. readers, everyone is invited to the Heeb’s house as it is the official Raider Nation Headquarters for the San Fernando Valley. Appease the Heeb’s and bring him a bottle of Manischewitz. TSS PICKS: OAKLAND
WASHINGTON at DALLAS (-6.5)- Let it be known that Week 3 will be the NFC East Week. This Monday night game will be a fitting end to what promises to be a great weekend and a winning weekend. A valiant Romo led the Cowboys to a come-from-behind win in San Fran last week. Was anyone else upset by Holley, the Dallas WR, being tackled on the SF 1, last week? Had he scored Dallas would have covered instead getting a subsequent push. I also said last week that Rex Grossman is starting to get more and more comfortable in Washington. Washington is leading the NFC East and undefeated. If Alex Smith moved the ball against the Cowboys, then surely Rex Grossman can do it. Who will Romo throw it to? Who will run the ball for Dallas? If Miles Austin plays, I think Dallas wins but not enough to cover. TSS PICKS: WASHINGTON
In closing, I give you these picks as a guide for you to make your points. I give you my opinionated insight and expertise. Sure we’ll have high and lows but never go against your instincts. Have faith in them. Have faith in yourself. You’re so money, and you don’t even know it.
Stepping down from my soapbox…