I thought I could escape it. I still had hope, a fighter’s last punch, if you may, that the Eagles could somehow muster up a comeback following last Sunday’s loss to the Patriots. After watching last night’s Eagles/Seahawks game, I had to do it. I knew my team was not going anywhere near the playoffs this year. So what does every red-blooded American do after watching his/her team give up? They go to the bottle and this red-blooded American hit the bottle baby!! 4 Johnnie Walker Black drinks later, I realized that life goes on.
Life went on when Aaron “Fuckin” Boone hit the game-winning HR for the Yankees against my beloved Red Sox in 2003. Life went on when the Pistons beat my beloved Lakers team in the 2004 NBA Finals. I knew that was the last time I would see Shaq and Kobe as Laker teammates. Life went on when the Magic announced that he had contacted the HIV virus. Life will go on…
So let’s go the picks:
Last Week: 2-2
Overall 25-25
TENNESSEE at BUFFALO (1.5): If you remember my bold prediction in Week 2, that Tennessee (aka the Paul Giammatis) were going to win the AFC South, then you’ll know who I like in this game. Matt Hasselbeck (oven-roasted chicken) looks to inch Tennessee closer to Houston for the AFC South lead. I don’t take much stock in Chris Johnson being the Chris Johnson of old but I like Tennessee to win-straight up! Buffalo is done; enough said about them. TSS PICKS: TENNESSEE
KANSAS CITY at CHICAGO (-7.5): Don’t expect KC to contend for this game like they did against Pittsburgh last week. Chicago’s defense will get to Tyler Palko with much more efficiency than Pittsburgh. The Bear’s offense revolves around Matt Forte, so feed him the ball! He is 15 yards shy of 1,000 yards. KC back-door covers. TSS PICKS: KANSAS CITY
OAKLAND at MIAMI (-3): I really thought Miami was going to win against Dallas on Thanksgiving Day. They’re making my buddy, Andy Goldenberg, proud. Look for Oakland to start slow due to the travel time and early game time as factors. It doesn’t help that Rolando McClain, Oakland’s LB, will probably be out due to his arrest on gun charges and assult. In the words of my buddy, Ef, WHAT A MIERDA!! That’s just the Raiders being the Raiders, right?! Oakland recovers from their slow start to take a late 4th quarter lead, only to lose on a Matt Moore TD. Note: This will be a FG heavy game. TSS PICKS: OAKLAND
CINCINNATI at PITTSBURGH (-7): Have you noticed a trend in this week’s picks? I’m loving the underdogs, baby!! This one has UPSET written all over it. Last week’s game against Cleveland was Cincy’s trap game. They overcame their 4th-quarter deficit to beat Cleveland. Pittsburgh was in a trap game also against KC in an ugly game. Cincy needs this game because should they lose, Pittsburgh holds the tie-breaker because they would have swept the season series. My buddy, Jimmy, always tells me never to trust redheads but I have a feeling the red-headed wonder known as Andy Dalton will leave Heinz Field victorious. They need to control the clock and stay away from silly turnovers. They also need a statement win and this will be their statement win. TSS UPSET PICK OF THE WEEK: CINCINNATI
DENVER at MINNESOTA (EVEN): Who doesn’t love Tebow?! The dude wins AND is an all-around nice guy. Whoever said nice guys finished last, didn’t take Tebow into account. Don’t forget about the Denver D now. Von Miller, Elvis Dumerville, and Champ Bailey are all forces to be reckon with on that defense. On the side, Minnesota will probably be without AP. Note to the Vikings: If you’re down 10 in the 4th quarter, and you’re inside your opponent’s 5 yard line, on 4th and goal; kick a FG! It’s a two-score game and you’re going to eventually need a FG to tie! You didn’t cover last week because of that play and I lost a 3-team parlay. Sorry, I needed to vent. DON”T BET AGAINST TEBOW!!! TSS PICKS: DENVER
INDIANAPOLIS at NEW ENGLAND (-20.5): The spread could have been 80,000 points and I still would have taken the Patriots. Last week, The Man single-handedly crushed my Iggles season and at the same time made me $20 poorer. The Man was a surgeon last week and he goes up against a hapless Indianapolis team. I’ll admit in the past, I would have taken Indy with Peyton Manning, but I’m no dummy, I saw Indy last week. They’ve checked out as much as those turd-buckets wearing my beloved Eagles uniform have. TSS PICKS: NEW ENGLAND
In closing, please raise your glasses to celebrate the birthdays of the best radiologist in all of the greater Boston area and to the savviest businesswoman in all of the greater Boston area but more importantly, my dearest friends, Jorge Mendoza and Michelle Mendoza (no relation to the infamous Mendoza line)
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