Friday, October 21, 2011

Living on the Mendoza line

Standing on my soapbox…

Waitress: Welcome to “House of Pies”! What can get for you, hun?
TSS: I’ll take some of your freshly baked humble pie.
Waitress: Sure, sweetie! A slice of humble pie coming up! Wait a minute, humble pie?!
TSS: Yes, maam.  Humble pie! But I don’t a slice, I want the whole pie!

And that pretty much sums up last week’s picks.  My 4-team $10 parlay didn’t even make it out the morning game and I made my Prodigal Son return to the Mendoza line.  Even worse, I was running a gambit of emotions that Sunday morning, all thanks in part to my beloved Eagles.  It started when Vick went to the bench after what seemed liked the 9800 hit that he’s endured.  In came Vince Young, that idiot who proclaimed this year’s Iggles as the Dream Team.  What does he do on his second pass attempt?!  You guessed it- he throws a pick!  Thank goodness the ‘Skins had Rex Grossman under center because a couple of plays later, he threw a pick!   I don’t know if my emotions can endure this year’s Eagles team. It’s a good thing I don’t bet on them.  The Eagles are my NFL family and like Notorious B.IG. said, “Keep your family and business, completely separated”. 

On to Week 7, which has a bevy of goodness.  We’ve got a game in London, Tebow’s return to the state of Florida, Carson Palmer’s first game as a Raider, aka the NFL Trojans, and the “Suck for Luck” campaign goes Primetime.  As always, know that this line is from Wednesday’s site:

Last Week: 1-3
Overall: 11-11

CHICAGO(-1) at TB in London- A couple of hours before this game kicksoff, the English Premier League (EPL) will display its biggest rivalry game this year between Manchester United and Manchester City.  If you are able to wake up early on Sunday morning, I highly recommend you watch this match.  I know soccer isn’t big here in the States but a match between two balanced teams with world-class talent on both ends calls for its attention.  Hell-wake up, have a pint of Boddington’s at your local pub, and start your Sunday morning off right!  Back to the Bears/Bucs game, which will essentially be a home game for da Bears. 

Last week, the Bears proved me wrong as they annihilated the Viking’s spirits of an upset win.  It got so bad that Donovan McNabb was finally benched for Christian Ponder.  The Vikings didn’t do themselves any favors by kicking the ball to Devon Hester. Really?! Who still does that?! You don’t kick to Hester under any circumstances!!!  Matt Forte had a business-like game and Cutler had enough time to complete some great passes.  I also didn’t think the Bucs could beat the Saints last week.  Josh Freeman was able to pick up the pieces from the prior week’s grudging at the hand of the Niners.  The Bucs D was able to stop the Saints high-powered offense but it does have kinks in its armor.  I think Forte will be able to run through the Bucs D and on the opposite side, Earnest Graham, filling in for an injured Blount, will be able to muscle his way to establish the run.  If the Bucs don’t kick it to Hester, then I like them.  My buddy, Jimmy, must feel like I’ve got a vendetta against him and the Bears.  I don’t Jimmy, I’m not Mr. Jimenez (rightly pronounced He-men-s).  TSS PICKS: TAMPA BAY

WASHINGTON at CAROLINA (-3):  The King of the Backdoor Covers, Cam Newton, couldn’t help me get out of Game 1 of my 4-team parlay with a win last week.  Cam looked like a rookie which leads me to believe that Defensive Coordinators are catching up to him.  It also doesn’t help Cam and the rest of the team when the Panthers’ Defense can’t stop the run.  Will the three-headed monster of Torain, Helu, and Hightower, run wild on Carolina?  Will the John Beck era start garner a W?  Look for Santa Moss to have a HUGE game statistically. For the love of my Fantasy Football team, Cam, throw it to either Steve Smith and/or Ben Olsen!  Cam scores the game-winning TD and covers by 1.  FYI…I’m selling my Week 2 Washington stock as that ship is slowly sinking. TSS PICKS:  CAROLINA

HOUSTON at TENNESSEE (-3):  The Paul Giamatti’s (Tennessee) are coming off their bye week, which they needed after their loss to Pittsburgh, two weeks ago.  Against Pittsburgh, they looked more like Paul Giamatti in Big Fat Liar than Giamatti in Sideways. The critics are saying Oven-roasted Chicken (Matt Hasselbeck) will not be able to put up big numbers against a stout Houston D.  I beg to differ; the week off will do wonders for this wily veteran.  Expect a big game from Oven-roasted!  I love this game because it features 2 of the best RB’s in the game today in Arian Foster and Chris Johnson.  Plus, this is a division game and whoever wins this game, will surely be setting the pace for the AFC South.  In the Week 2 blog, I made the prediction that Tennessee will win the division and I’m sticking to it.  Tennessee covers inside of the 2-minute mark in the 4th quarter!! BOOM!!!  TSS PICKS: TENNESSEE

DENVER at MIAMI (-2.5): Did anyone see the Monday Night Game this week?  Good Lord was that a bad game to watch!  Miami plays host to Denver and the start of the Tim Tebow era has officially started.  On Tuesday night, I watched a documentary on ESPN about Tebow and his preparation for the 2010 Draft.  The doc showed Tebow interacting with fans, his vast improvement with his mechanics and his delivery, and it showcased his workout regimen.  Believe me when I tell you this-the man is the modern day Ivan Drago but with charisma!  Tebow’s workouts were intense and freakenly scary.  Sure he hammed it up for the camera, and the kid sounded like a hokey but watching him on the documentary made me want to be his teammate.  That’s the “IT’ factor that this guy brings to the table every game!  He has the “ganas” that Jaime Escalante in Stand and Deliver preached to his students.  All his teammates step their game up when he’s on the field.  Let’s hope it translates to a couple of victories for Tebow because I’ve never seen anyone scrutinized the way he’s been scrutinized the past year and a half.  It doesn’t help Miami’s case that their PR Department is honoring the 2008 College Football National Champions, the Florida Gators, led none other than Tim Tebow, himself! To say the crowd will be pro-Tebow is an understatement.  Tebow, aka US Drago, wins in Miami.  Note: I’m biting the hands that have fed me the last couple of weeks as I’ve watched the games at my buddy, Andy’s place and he’s been a gracious host. Andy, I promise to take Miami before the season ends. TSS’ UPSET PICK OF THE WEEK: DENVER

ST. LOUIS at DALLAS (-13): I cautiously took Dallas last week against The Man and lo and behold-they covered!  In fact, they were my only win in my 4-team parlay. Dallas lost the game which makes them hungrier for a win to quiet their critics. They play the St. Louis Rams, this Sunday, who will probably be without QB Sam Bradford.  This week, the Rams traded for Brandon Lloyd, formerly of the Broncos and it sets up a reunion between Lloyd and Josh Daniels, the one-time Broncos head coach turned Rams Offensive Coordinator.  Had Bradford been 100%, I’d give this another thought but my gut is telling me that A.J Feely, of Miami Dolphin fame, will be taking the hikes.  Too much offensive weapons for Dallas mixed with an angry Dallas D who’s desperate for a win equals a big-margin victory.  TSS PICKS: DALLAS

INDIANAPOLIS at NEW ORLEANS (-14): Another team that is looking to take their frustrations out is New Orleans.  Last week, not only did they lose against the Bucs but they lost their play caller, head coach Sean Payton, to a sideline injury.  If you think that didn’t affect the Saints’ game, then I’ve got some magic beans to sell you.  With a week to prepare for life with Payton calling the plays from up above (aka the press box), the Saints will be firing on all cylinders.  Greg Williams, Defensive Coordinator for the Saints, will be blitzing all game to disrupt whatever passing attack the Colts can muster.  The Indy “Suck for Luck” campaign will be competitive against NO but at the end another disheartening loss for the Colts awaits them. TSS PICKS: NEW ORLEANS

In closing, keep in mind, all you NFL teams that are in the “Suck for Luck” sweepstakes, just because you might land with the #1 Pick for next year’s Draft, don’t automatically think that Andrew Luck will agree to go to your team.  If you recall, Eli Manning refused to go to San Diego, who had the #1 Pick that year.  Another example, John Elway was originally drafted by the Baltimore Colts, but he also refused to play for them.  Put that in the backburner, folks.

Stepping down my soapbox…

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